I have two thoughts today. I will blog about one of them.

I was wondering to myself why did God create space? Why can’t God just create like the earth and blah, it ended right there at the clouds and the blue skies?

Then I think I got it.

If it did end at the clouds, it’s kind of sad, like hitting a cardboard, something like ‘The Truman Show’ ending. Then if you go beyond our skies there’s space so it gets exciting..and so on. So we just kind of keep exploring till we reach the end. However, there’s no end in space..end is thousands and millions and trillions of light years away, somewhere even beyond..somewhere we can never ever reach. I learn about this through the book I am reading by Bill Bryson called ‘A Short History of Nearly Everything’. It’s just a great book by the way though I am taking ages with it.

SO, back to my point of space and beyond and why there isn’t an end? I think God kind of wants it this way. Knowing that humans can never be satisfied and will just keep at it, He made the skies, universe, space…infinite and endless. So basically it’s like ‘Nice try humans, you will never get to the end’. No, I don’t think God is cruel to entertain us or Himself this way…it’s just, what is beyond this world is so amazing that it is just a gentle reminder than there’s creator out there, whoever you may believe. It just can’t happen by some rocks colliding together.

Friday tomorrow!! Please don’t let me OT.

Via

This is truely the most heartbreaking photo I have ever seen. Quoting the photo caption directly:

“In this Nov. 6, 2008 file photo, young Protegee carries her niece, Response, as she looks for her parents in the village Kiwanja, 90 kms north of Goma, eastern Congo. When photographed on Nov. 6, Protegee was in a crowd of thousands in the town of Kiwanja, having walked for three days by herself after being separated from her mother as they fled on foot from her town about 12 miles (20 kilometers) away. Protegee finally found her mother, Esperance Nirakagori, in Kiwanja at a makeshift refugee camp six days after they were separated.”

It brings me to think about many things that are beyond our imagination or knowledge. Another side of the world that’s so dark and lonely we refuse to think about it.

On the lighter side of life, a cute little photo essay of a cotton tail bunny:

I am quite addicted to Issuu nowadays. It’s a site where users published their magazine/publication online. Alot of really great stuff there.

It was father’s birthday yesterday but we celebrated it today.

My father don’t fancy big celebrations of expensive dinners or presents so it was just strawberry cheesecake and a cycling trip to the nearby fish farm and plant farm.

It was about time my Morning Glories seedlings get a new home.

I made that little device out of chopsticks. It looks like a nice little home for flowers or tomatoes.

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Everyone loves my phone because it looks so pretty. I want to love it too but it’s so lacky and difficult to use I feel like stomping on the phone and make sure none of that touch-screen is functioning.

I miss buttons. I can’t message while walking. I can’t message with one hand.

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I watched ‘Babel’ today. Awesome, awesome movie. It reminds me very much of ‘Crash’. One of those film reminding us how cruel, lonely and sometimes how aimless we are on planet earth. It makes me think about the world as whole, take a step back and see even if our own little world is perfect, the universe as a whole isn’t.

So many times I tell myself, if life is just about living for the sake of living and aimless at the end of this life, I rather don’t live it. There’s so much crazy shit so why bother to bear with it without a lesson at the end of it?

So life is without a purpose is..just not worth living.

I decided to do some gardening on one of my jobless night/day. I planted some expired Morning Glory seeds and they surprisingly grew very well, you can almost see them grow by the hour. They were (picture 2) in the morning before I left the house for work and would grow 2cm and have leaves on them when I come home at night.

Morning Glories are my favourite flowers. I can’t wait for them to grow and cover the whole cupboard. And then my mother can kill me.

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I was reading a random person’s blog and he post this crude saying/joke/statement about a religion. I found that incredibly shallow. Whether it’s Christianity, Scientology, Islam or any religion, unless you have years of thorough studies of that belief and been with people of that religion, what rights do you have to say someone’s belief is silly and a waste of time? How shallow is it to pick a few facts off the surface of a religion and generalise and stereotype it?

Not that I am saying I am a very wise 20 years old, but these things just annoy me..immaturity and insensitivity.

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I have told Ross this couple of times, being in the service line made me quite a bitch. Growing up and getting my ass kicked contributes to that of cos but somehow servicing people ignites this grumpy, impatient, mean, insensitive side of me.

For quite a while, and it still does, I am very aware and disturbed by it. It saddens me many times I think about the way I behaved and reacted.

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Today is one of those serious entry I see.

P.S: Boss, if you read this please don’t cut my pay.

1. It’s rainy and the perfect weather to sleep.
2. Doctrines has been awesome so far.
3. I am opening tomorrow. Actually opening is OK, it is just the whole idea of waking up at 5am but once that happened (imagine that “TING” moment), we are all set to go.

I just watch “The Last Kiss” online. I watched it with Audrey at the cinema last year and absolutely loved it.

It’s a movie about love, marriage, insecurities, relationships, and basically all these big things that encompasses us humans. And very importantly, it’s about human being’s need for a secured future. It is a human nature I feel, to feel secure, in whatever funny ways possible.

This feels like my project critique explaining to my lecturer. Well, my project is about humans and human needs, and it is these questions of human’s needs like security and satisfaction that really drives me crazy sometimes. So people who keep asking me what my project is about, this is what it is about, emotional senses and human needs. And of whether my project is going to work out fine, that’s another story.

But really, everyone should go watch that film, I don’t know..it really speaks to me. I think this thing called “human nature” throws me a thousand questions. Are we simply created with them or do we ourselves create these things called “human nature”? Were we created greedy and never satisfied with what we have? Human nature almost become an excuse for everything that didn’t go right.

I think the stillness (and not in a good way) of life drives people to crave more in life. The need to know “it’s gonna be just fine” is a necessity in life.

At least I think for me, this is what drives me. It makes me wanna break out of just passing by each day just like yesterday.

I think my found my place of comfort.

And no, I haven’t just found the love of my life or something.

The days between critique 3 till now, a lot has happened. Emotionally I mean.

It’s a really long story, but let’s just cut the story short by saying after crit on Wed, I decided to drop FYP. I came home and cried the whole day and never felt so devastated for the longest time.

I guess I have been struggling with my work, and at the same time struggling with my own emotional battles: convincing myself I am capable of doing this FYP. So after hearing all the “truth” I tried to deny, I just gave up. My whole publication wasn’t working out, the lecturers hated it and I am far from being good.

Now looking back at it, I really think PMS has a huge part to play. My hormones has gone hay-wired, plus not sleeping the night before didn’t help. I don’t even understand why I got so worked up over everything.

Somehow the whole family got envolved, they were supportive though, after deciding to drop FYP and stay another half a year to redo it. That also means cancelling whatever plans I have.

I was disappointed with every bit of myself, and angry. Then after a day of sleep and tears and drinks, I got my emotions aside and just move on, play some games, rest, go back to work and and get ready for my next FYP in April.

I  cursed and swear at God, for being unfair. Then I went online, and just as I am about to click on my game, my friend msn-ed me to check my email: We are given a week of extension.

I feel as if God just shot me back, asking me to shut up, and this is a sign you should continue your FYP.

So basically, yes I am back till doing my damn project. It might not work out in the end but screw it, just a month or so more, bare with it and be brave. You might asked why in the first place I dropped, well two reasons: first, it’s a really long story and second, I don’t really know either, maybe I just got too emotional.

Now, I never felt so scared yet delighted at the same time. It’s just me, being all confused and unreasonable. After this damn thing is done with, I will ask myself what I learnt.

The Atlantic was born today, and I’ll tell you how
The clouds above opened up and let it out
I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
when the water filled every hole
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean
making islands where no islands should go

Most people were overjoyed; they took to their boats
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat
The rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your
door have been silenced forevermore
And the distance is quite simply much to far for me to row;
it seems farther than ever before

I need you so much closer…

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Death cab for Cutie - Transatlanticism