Yes, they are here, I will be off to see them in around 13hours time. My heroes has arrived.

Well I wasn’t all that excited as I should be I guess because I was too stressed out about my project. When got excited just now at 1am, and decided to blog about this and..

My Windows crashed. Damn Microsoft, I can’t wait to get a Mac. Well it’s a long story, it was my fault actually for trying to be an IT whiz. I have been slacking off for the past two days so when I finally decided to do some work, it crashed. Now it’s 6.31am, I just finished reinstalling everything.

Well at least I got my docs backup so nothing much is lost. The only thing that I am really sad about is I have to restart my whole Chocolatier game! Damn it. And I lost all my bookmarks.

It’s 12am, I haven’t exactly done any work today.

I went to school today for consultation, I was kinda nervous actually. I was reminded of crit 3, how every one of my spreads got shot down. What if I show James my new stuff and he hates it too, then, I would rather disappear into thin air or be an atom.

I guess for crit 3 it came as quite a shock to me in that sense cos during consultation all along, James didn’t say much about my graphics and the whole publication. He just guided me in terms of refining the concept, he didn’t mention much about the publication as a whole. So when Hon criticised me for every damn thing on those spreads, I just thought why haven’t James ever told me those things? If it was this shitty, James could have told me straight in my face, I wonder is it because James thought I was so fragile-looking that I might just cry if he said something bad.

So I showed him the stuff, he said ok here and there, and said not bad once for a spread. I was telling him how I think I am going to scrap off some of the concept cos Hon didn’t like it and stuff, he told me don’t. He told me why I got shot down so badly was because, beside technicality like kernings and sensitivity to layouts, I had gaps in between my presentations. He said because the lecturers didn’t follow through with me week by week, they couldn’t see the publication as a whole. So if I wasn’t detailed or specific enough explaining my concept, I probably lost my audience already. So he said my concept was perfectly fine, it was just my presentation. And he added because I was rushing just to churn out contents, I neglected a lot of minor details that could really make the publication work. He told my other group mates after the crit 3 (well I left immediate after the crit was done cos I was damn depressed) why he didn’t voice out much during the critique was because he wanted us to fend for ourselves, and see how we support our concepts on our own..which is important during our final oral presentation to external markers.

Well, I might also just lost half of you there but what he said definitely made me felt so much better about my project. I have been feel so crappy about my work (well I still am) but at least I know, I am not all the horrible like an amputated ant squashed with a human finger.

Went to the library, came back with new books, came home and did my passport renewing online. I need to take my own photo so I transformed my room into a mini photo studio.

It would be a waste if I just took ugly-fringe-tucked-back-no-happy-smile passport photos so I had a bit of cam whore moments there. It’s fun, I mean, I haven’t done that in years.

You know the colour pens we used to buy when we were 11 or 12, to write those autography  books we pass around to our classmates? You have those pens in milky colours, glittery colours, the rub-off kind and what have you. We use them to write our favourite boys bands like Backstreet Boys, N’Sync or Westlife and not forgetting favourite songs (and we will list down all 3 albums of our fav. boy band).

I have a whole bunch of them, they were still kinda usefully till seondary one or two when we write letters to each other with our “codes”.

And we made sure we used them sparingly, cos they are expensive (I mean with our little pocket money).

And now, let’s see I got them when I was 12, now I am 19 and everyone of them still have more then half of their ink left.

Just random thoughts as I sit here at my desk trying hard to concentrate on my FYP. These are a bunch of items that never left my stationary holder.

Now, I find every opportunity I have to use them. Funny, how kids behave and they things they do and we all went through it.

Today is yet another day, which day? Just another day, which other day? Another Sunday. Similar to another other days? Yes, to last and the last last and the last last last Sundays.

Stef and I are going to Hong Kong on June 15th for around 5 days or so. You get a free tour guide (alright, I am not much of a help with the directions) but you definitely get a free translator (and see me whipping Honkies’ asses with my cantonese). Anyone wanna come along please call me at 9×053xx4. You have to go through an audition first but most likely you can make it.

Also please be reminded you have to deal with a very slow and annoying 21 year old woman who lives at Aijunied area, so if you are ok with it, please do come along.

P.S: I do really hope YOU will come along for our trip so we both can go ahead with our wonderful day and leave Stef behind.

The days between critique 3 till now, a lot has happened. Emotionally I mean.

It’s a really long story, but let’s just cut the story short by saying after crit on Wed, I decided to drop FYP. I came home and cried the whole day and never felt so devastated for the longest time.

I guess I have been struggling with my work, and at the same time struggling with my own emotional battles: convincing myself I am capable of doing this FYP. So after hearing all the “truth” I tried to deny, I just gave up. My whole publication wasn’t working out, the lecturers hated it and I am far from being good.

Now looking back at it, I really think PMS has a huge part to play. My hormones has gone hay-wired, plus not sleeping the night before didn’t help. I don’t even understand why I got so worked up over everything.

Somehow the whole family got envolved, they were supportive though, after deciding to drop FYP and stay another half a year to redo it. That also means cancelling whatever plans I have.

I was disappointed with every bit of myself, and angry. Then after a day of sleep and tears and drinks, I got my emotions aside and just move on, play some games, rest, go back to work and and get ready for my next FYP in April.

I  cursed and swear at God, for being unfair. Then I went online, and just as I am about to click on my game, my friend msn-ed me to check my email: We are given a week of extension.

I feel as if God just shot me back, asking me to shut up, and this is a sign you should continue your FYP.

So basically, yes I am back till doing my damn project. It might not work out in the end but screw it, just a month or so more, bare with it and be brave. You might asked why in the first place I dropped, well two reasons: first, it’s a really long story and second, I don’t really know either, maybe I just got too emotional.

Now, I never felt so scared yet delighted at the same time. It’s just me, being all confused and unreasonable. After this damn thing is done with, I will ask myself what I learnt.

I was hard at work today, till suddenly I started panicking about tomorrow’s critique.

Maybe if I haven’t been told Hon (course manager) would be at my crit tomorrow, I wouldn’t panic so much. I think I will be shot and killed by him. And I will get so small, even an ant can stomp me to death.

I know I don’t have much work to show. We are suppose to have 80% of our scope of work done and I got, like 30% maybe.

I wrote down the points for my presentation and realised whatever I am presenting tomorrow is almost like my 2nd crit’s because there isn’t much to show. Damn it, it got me running around in my own underwear for quite a while (ok, no idea what kind of description that is but you get my point) .

I feel like I am never going to move anywhere away from my first chapter of my publication.

I feel lost, I feel like my heart’s is burning. I mean not buring with passion but someone decided to take a torch and see how long my heart gets cooked. Every word I write for my presentation tomorrow, I can almost hear the lecturers screaming at me, if not Hon giving me that disproving face. I never panicked for a presentation before..

I blame it on the PMS, I blame it on the Red Bulls, and I will blame everything else except myself.

It’s not right, my heart’s not going “lub dup”, it is “lub, lub, lub, lub….” and then I died.

Really, I think my heart gave up, slowly crawling up my brain and sucking all the brain juice and then pulling out all the nerves and unplug me.

Shut up, says a tiny voice.

There is a dinosaur and a dog figurine in my fish tank together with my 5 Puffer fish.

I figured out I could make better use of them then lying around my room.

Critique 3 is on Weds, and I have tons and millions of tons to do.

I bought a Smena 8M lomo camera on ebay for $58 (USD$40). The shipping costed more than the camera itself. It’s a really low grade lomo camera, one of the first in Russia I think. I haven’t tried lomography before nor do I have anything against it. It will be fun, and it’s a 35mm one so I got many many film in my fridge.

It’s just that I should be saving up many things including a DSLR, trip to HK, concert tickets and the many expanse I will need when FYP is over for some partying.

Off to nap before dinner and then work and then Red Bull and then work. Woohoo.

No one should get me started on cleaning.

First,
I washed the dishes tonight.

Second,
I went to the batheroom to wash my hands before doing my work.

Third,
My batheroom sink looks dirty so I decided to give it a quick scrub.

Four,
The next thingI knew, I spent the next hour scrubbing the whole entire toilet.

And when I scrub, I make sure everything get blessed by Gif, every gap between the ties get scrubbed and every bottle of whatever product get washed.

I finished the whole bottle of Gif and my hands and feet are all wrinkly now.

If I were a salewoman, I would probably more passionate about selling washing detergents than the newest most high-tech gadget.