I have been damn tired recently and really sleepy. It is the 2nd week of the new block, I should be used to getting up early. And even when class is suppose to start at 9am, I always end up waking up at 9 or 10am BUT still, I am sleepy. Everyone seems to be constantly tired. And I am constantly eating. I am going to Mensa to eat like twice a day! Damn it.

So today was a whole day spent at the darkroom again. Our group is not doing well, our film keep screwing up and we got no idea why.

I am still in a dilemma..of whether I should major in design or photo? I love photo, but what if it is just like a passion instead of a career? I’ve thinking alot recently especially about studies.

I hate it whenever our group does work or just say when I am around the talented photo kids like Andrew or Justin, I am totally lost in their conversation. They go on and on and on about all this cameras and numbers that I am totally clueless about.

I don’t know..I just feel like a loser sometimes. I can’t seem to be exceptionally good at anything.

While the rest were printing or developing the film just now, I went to the library alone, to borrow some photos…just to make myself feel better. Maybe I should start from scratch.

But then again, I only have 2 months or so to my final year project? Am I not a little too late? I had 2 plus years to do that.

There are just days you feel like shit and a loser and today is one of those days. I always feel like a loser when I am around school people anyway, I think they are all better than me. It’s not that I want to compare..just I hate the feeling of seeing my completed work and hating it.

I should stop talking.

I watched “The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” on Star Movies just now. Well, I never actually know much about the Chronicles of Narnia till I wiki it just now.

The film is good, I bet definately not as good as the book though. The visual effects were brilliant, the beavers were damn cute! Although I haven’t read the book before, I felt there were much more the film could have explored. The scores were really good though, completed the whole magical and whimsical feel of the story.

Many of C.S Lewis’ works is heavily-influenced by Christianity, and in this film, it is very evident. Basically the whole journey in Narnia is very similar to how Jesus Christ died for man kind and rise again. Every detail is so similar to the Bible and about the journey for a Christian. Like the how Aslan’s (the lion) army consist of all this mythical creatures and also animals, like how God first created the garden of Eden with animals that were at peace with man kind. And the 4 main characters (the 4 children) are called the sons of Adam and daughters of Eve which represent mankind. Towards the end of the film, where Aslan went away with Mr Tunmus explaining how he comes and goes, represents a Christian’s journey where we often feel as if God is far away yet He is always around.

I really want to read the book. So I went to wiki it just now and realise The Chronicles of Narnia consist of 7 children literature books. “The Magician’s Nephew” was one of them. That rang a bell! I remember reading it, if I am not wrong, in Primary school as part of the reading circle thing. I read probably like 1/4 of the book. I think I didn’t finish it cos I was reading it too slowly and I wasn’t really into like magical and fantasy stories when I was younger. However, I remember the book quite evidently..it was quite deep, and the way it was written, was very whimsical and vintage (sorry, limited vocab).

I really admire authors like C.S Lewis, J.R.R Tolkien and J.K Rowling. The richness of their novels are just amazing. How they can bring readers into a world in such great details is truly..wow.

Alright back to a normal day of blogging, I ate crab today. You know yesterday I ended the entry saying I would eat crab tomorrow. Well, it is not like eating crab is part of my to do list thing, like I make sure I eat crab. It is just that my dad already said he will be getting crabs today.

Do you get what I am trying to say? I hope you do cos that’s about all that is on my mind today: telling everyone I ate crabs.

I have a piece of Mango Cheesecake in front of me. I don’t really want to eat it actually but I am hungry, and that’s the most accessible food item in the refrigerator. I crave for maggie mee but that will be too noisy to cook at 4.15am.

I opened my iTunes but was so lazy to reach out to press the ‘on’ button for my speaker.

I just came back from Zouk. I only had one beer. I was completely sober today..that’s rare and good! It was kind of boring today, I guess because of the lack of booze and we were without mummy Fiona! And Andrew flaunting too much of his awesome dance moves. Haha. I was obedient today! :) (to Stef)

I have been clubbing every week for more than a month. This is not good, I am wasting money. Even though the entries are free and I get many free booze, it’s still alot of money. I don’t know..since school started, nothing seem interesting, clubbing is the most fun. The week goes monotone, then Friday I get to see Starbucks people cos I work, then Saturday I club and Sunday is family day at home.

I shall go to bed soon, Sunday have been stay at home day for quite sometime. I used to work every Sunday. I shall practice my drawing and eat crab tomorrow.

It’s 5.30am, I just bathed and get home from work. I am tired and sleepy. It’s the end of the first week of my new classes. I still am not use to waking up early..I am always late for class but that’s ok cos everyone else is late too.

That’s probably the only good thing about my school, you can go to school anytime you like. TP Design used to be the best but now it sucks. All the good lecturers left or is leaving thanks to a shitass director. And all the freshmen and junior sucks. They are damn childish and annoying. They have this whole “I carry a MacBook Pro and I am a design kid so I am cool” thing? Or they are just smart kids with no creativity skills in them…seriously, just look at the standard of work now.

I spent $113 on design and photo books. Basheer is here, my favourite time of the year. Basheer is a design bookstore and they bring in books to sell to students at a cheaper price. I love design books, can never get enough of them. I bought a photo book, a packaging design book, an illustration book and a figure drawing book! I love books, I wish I can have a whole library of design books and mags.

So yea I have been whining and complaining I can’t draw. All I needed was practice since I have actually went through drawing modules/ subjects/ class (which ever sounds nicer). To actually motivate myself to start practicing I bought a figure drawing book. It’s a good book, in great detail about drawing humans.

So while showering just now, I had this whole chunk of thoughts I wanted to post about being old enough. I think I am too sleepy to type out everything. One thought: I just can’t imagine myself working..like I will look like my boss brought his daughter or niece to work.

Right. Goodnight.

New layout. It’s a temp layout while I get a nice one done. In the meantime, this will do the job, redid the comments part..and then everything else is pretty much the same. This is a totally random layout..the tooth cartoon was part of my school work. It’s cute, so it ended up here.

Well, after my submission last week, been resting for while till this few days. It’s back to work with my current Advanced Photography Practice class. It’s quite intensive and costly of cos.

Well a couple of things happened these few days. Firstly, my grandma passed away on Weds. She was not doing well since the previous week and my mum flew back to see her. The day after she came back, she passed on. I am not really, really upset or anything, it just got me thinking. My grandma couldn’t talk so I never really spoke to her before. I just always remember her with very soft and smooth skin and a natural blush on her cheeks.

I grew up in Singapore without any relatives. I never really went through any death experience so to speak. Out of all my relatives passing away, none really affected me all that much. The first that I got really upset about was..I got no idea how to put it in English but she is almost a distant relative but we (my family) were close. When I was still in HK, we would go to her house every week and she will make my sis and I jelly. Her house was beside the airport, and every few minutes, the adults’ conversation will be interrupted by an airplane flying pass.

Then several years later when I go back HK to visit her, she was placed in the same elderly home as my grandma. She was a healthy old lady, I always like her since young. It’s not like we talked about life or anything but I somehow love her company. She doesn’t give me that “hey I am your elder give me some damn respect” feeling? And she was easy-going, I always felt comfortable around her. She stays on the second floor while my grandma the first.

I would always run upstairs to get her, somehow always excited to see her. I don’t see her often, since I only go back HK like once a 3 or 4 years?

She passed away last year or the previous year. I wasn’t crying or anything but just thought to myself “there wouldn’t be a reason to go up to the second level of the old folks home anymore”. Now, there isn’t any reason to back to that old folks home anymore.

I don’t know..what got me really really upset, was the place itself. The old folks home is located at Sha Tin, it is the next to the flat I used to stay before I left for Singapore. I love that neighbourhood, every single bit of it..the magazine store, my old kindergarten, the Chinese restaurant with bad food. I don’t know, everything there was almost still the same before I left. I feel at home somehow.

I know why. It is because that is the last place where the best time of my life was. I never hated HK maybe because I never got to see the ugly side of it cos everything was happy in my 5 years there. Just knowing I will properly never got back to that neighbourhood actually makes me cry. It’s just different, that place was important because it was my best memories and my grandma still living there was like her holding on my memories for me..and now it is gone.

I got no idea why this got me so emotional. Maybe I wish I never came to Singapore at all. I always think how would I be like if I never came here, I definately would not be speaking in English first of all.

Alright, sorry for the long entry I got to go sleep soon. And thanks you Starbucks peeps for your messages.

Like after ‘O’ levels again.

Feels good yo.

Just this time, you don’t get the sleep.

So remember I said I did like many many versions of the namecard for my project for Lynette to approve? Well guess what, she chose the simplest one, the one I did within 5 minutes! :( And because the chosen design is so damn simple, I can’t do anything much with my stationaries. I hate it..my stationaries and namecard look like something any random people can do. Or well, maybe I am just not good enoughhhh.

:(

Going to be rushing my tooth fairy fund project all the way till Thursday. When will I ever stop hating my own work when I look at them? I hate this feeling.

I hate my Windows. I want a big Mac screen (yea of cos Mac OS) like the ones in my schooooool. I am so whiny. I want a digital SLR, I want a Mac. I have no money. Why?

I did work my ass off today. And I worked it at home (ok yea I know that sentence sounded totally wrong). Today, I actually stayed at home and was very productive. I really need to be in the working mood..if not, I can go on slacking for days.

I started on my namecard. I did like 8 versions of it? I got too carried away with the namecards. I shouldn’t actually do so much since Lynette might just reject everything. I had too much of creative juices for namecards today, well but doesn’t mean they are nice though. Trying to keep at this working mode, feels good, it makes you feel like you are really hardworking. Then I can feel like Matthew, mad clubber but will finish his work before going..wth! Good boy.

There was a ge tai opposite my house at the field. Hungry Ghost Festival is around the corner. The last time there actually was a ge tai at my house or saw one was when I still lived in Bedok..like more than 3 years ago, dying trade. I suppose it is fine having one at house here, since well, you can say I live in a forest. They are going to build a Chinese temple at that spot so I guess I will expecting one of those noisy concerts every year.

Ok goodbye, my neck ache. Faarisi’s Tooth Fairy Fund logo is so super damn cute man. Doesn’t suit a ruby boy like him! Haha. I don’t like my work.